The four set out to become the greatest international group thieves the world has ever seen in Monaco: What’s Yours is Mine, only to realise that they are almost completely incompetent and really don’t synergise very well. At least somebody got to smash down some walls with a sledgehammer.

IT’S UNBELIEVABLE. THIS IS A HISTORIC EVENT. DAN ACTUALLY BEATS A GAME THIS WEEK. Shame that The Karate Kid was still an awful game anyway. To return to form after doing the unthinkable, Dan decides to tackle both Double Dragon III and The Adventures of Bayou Billy. Things do not end well.

What happened? There were spiders, underground vultures, a snake, fish, incorporeal floors and a large pit that led to nothing but pain. Then suddenly, as if attempting to rescue Dan from this subterranean hell, the Silver Surfer wooshed by and smashed into a seemingly innocent vase, instantly defeating him.

As a follow up to last week’s train wreck, we’re fleshing out the Marvel X-perience with an X-Men theme in this episode. Sadistic game design abounds in the dire Wolverine: Adamantium Rage followed by Dan once again showing his complete lack of Super Hero skills in X-Men: Mutant Apocalypse for the Super Nintendo!

It’s a Marvel massacre this week featuring two especially awful licensed Spider-Man games! After admitting defeat once again and getting absolutely no-where in Spider-Man and the X-Men, Dan tries his hand at a game based on The Animated Series. This proves to be a least a little more forgiving until an ill-fated trip to the circus breaks Dan’s spirit for good!

At first glance, Fester’s Quest appears to be a fairly solid action/adventure title. The controls are solid, the action is paced fairly well and the soundtrack is pretty damn good. After about an hour of playing Fester’s Quest, Dan is left on the edge of insanity at a game which seems to be designed with the express intent to aggravate and exhaust the player. It’s like an 8-bit Dark Souls, only with no incentive to keep playing.

In a surprising turn of events Dan actually plays a good game for this week’s episode. However, five stages and multiple tantrums later (with the right coaching from Aaron and Joel), Dan just adds more truth to the notion that maybe he really is awful at games.

In this Old Game+ Dan reviews the underexposed NES classic StarTropics, a beautiful action RPG very much in the vein of The Legend of Zelda that was heavily influenced by Western culture. The game is generally remembered fondly by those lucky enough to have experienced it back in the 80s, but is StarTropics just as good today as it was 20 years ago?

This week Dan finds that what he previously believed to be his true calling as a mutant superhero crime fighter was little more than an impossible pipe dream as he barely fumbles his way through the first level of X-Men for the Genesis.

With everybody else choosing their modern Games of the Year, Dan takes a look at some of the best retro games he discovered and played for the first time in 2012.

In this week’s episode Dan and Joel return to Isla Nublar for the Genesis semi-sequel to Jurassic park with Jurassic Park: Rampage Edition. Dan gains a deep seeded hatred for pterodactyls, rides a dinosaur like a true wild west cowboy, and realises that life really is much easier when you are a velociraptor.

With dinosaurs, guns, open-world gameplay and first person shooter action that was technically impressive for its time, will Jurassic Park for the SNES shine above licensed games of the early nineties, or has it been demolished beneath the wheels of progress?

In this week’s episode Dan and Pat sit down to play a game that was described by a fan as ‘So Japanese it shits honour and tradition.’ After being complete dicks to one another for the first couple of stages our heroes decide to work together on their epic adventure, only to realise they’re still terrible at the game. Killer umbrellas, Ultros from Final Fantasy 6 and the Japanese Hamburgler all make an appearance in Pocky and Rocky!